Bailey, Abigail Abbott (1746–1815)

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Bailey, Abigail Abbott (1746–1815)

American memoirist who documented her family's struggle against domestic abuse and incest. Born Abigail Abbott on February 2, 1746, in Rumford, Connecticut; died on February 11, 1815, in Bath, New Hampshire; daughter of Deacon James Abbott; married Major Asa Bailey, in 1767; children: 17, including Samuel, Asa, Abigail, Caleb and Anna (twins), Chloe, Amos, Olive, Phinehas, Judith, and Patience. Author of Memoirs of Mrs. Abigail Bailey (1815).

When she was 22 years old, Abigail Abbott hoped that marriage would join her with a lifelong "friend" and "companion." The spiritual woman, whose father was a deacon, sought peace and partnership in her union to New Hampshire native Asa Bailey. The couple bought a farm in Landaff, New Hampshire.

For the first three years, the marriage went smoothly, though Asa had a temper. In 1770, they hired a woman for live-in help. By September of that year, Asa appeared to have seduced this employee. Abigail, perceiving the indiscretion, fired the woman, then confronted her husband and commanded him to repent. For several years he seemed a changed man. But in July of 1773, he again committed adultery with another hired woman. Though Abigail acted as she had before, this second affair did not escape public notice. The young woman in question was brought up on charges in another incident, and her relationship with Asa Bailey was presented as evidence against her character. All of Landaff knew of the scandal.

These accounts, offered in the Memoirs of Mrs. Abigail Bailey, foreshadow what would be Abigail's greatest trial with her husband. The memoirs, begun some time after 1789, were a response to her discovery that Asa was sexually abusing one of their elder daughters. Abigail never intended the texts for publication; she was writing them for her church. After her death, however, it was the decision of the congregation and pastor that the memoirs provided a compelling example of the disgraces committed by Asa Bailey and of his wife's stalwart faith in God and self which had seen her through the difficulties.

In the years following the 1773 trial, Asa Bailey came closer to religion. His volatile temper, however, remained, and it was not uncommon for him to explode if Abigail questioned his actions. Meanwhile, their family expanded. In 1787, they welcomed their sixth son, who was their fourteenth child.

In 1788, Asa went on a trip west, and Abigail was relieved to see him go. When he returned in December, he told Abigail he had resolved to move the family west to Ohio. Initially, he would take a son and a daughter to care for him on the journey and help him establish the homestead; then he would send for Abigail and the rest of the children. As one of his companions, he set his sights on an elder Bailey daughter. His actions toward the daughter, never named, seemed seductive. When Abigail questioned him, his defensive response told Abigail that Asa had sexually assaulted his own child.

Because the daughter would not corroborate her suspicions, Abigail had no recourse. Finally, on September 15, 1789, Abigail challenged Asa. As before, he promised to turn to God, while denying the charges. A truce held for several weeks, until a Sunday, with Abigail at church, when he again assaulted their daughter. Soon after this second incident, as soon as the daughter turned 18, she fled the Bailey home.

Around the same time, Abigail gave birth to twins—a boy who lived only a short time and a girl who was healthy. Almost a year later, the other children—who had witnessed their father's assault on their sibling—told their mother. Abigail then went to her daughter, who was living with relatives, and pleaded until the girl admitted the abuse. On September 7, 1790, Abigail ordered her husband to leave the family and helped pack his bags. Asa Bailey departed the next morning. Though rejected, he promised to divide their property and provide support for the children. During these months, Landaff learned of Asa Bailey's abuse, and he was disgraced. Shortly after, Abigail gave birth to her final child, a daughter.

I clearly saw that Mr. B. entertained the most vile intentions relative to his own daughter. Whatever difficulty attended the obtaining of legal proof, yet no remaining doubt existed in my mind relative to the existence of his wickedness.
—Abigail Abbott Bailey

Asa arranged to trade his farmland in Landaff for his brother's farm in Bradford, Vermont. In theory, the exchange would allow the Baileys to sell the Vermont property and split the money. Thus, in February of 1792, the family moved to Bradford, Vermont. The following month, Asa and Abigail left, ostensibly to travel to Connecticut, where Asa claimed he had a buyer for the Vermont farm. Instead, he led her to Whitestown, New York, where he planned to settle, convinced that Abigail would be unable to find her way back to Vermont.

For two months, Abigail was thus detained. In May, Asa set out for Bradford on foot to sell the family property and return with the children. He had, however, underestimated his wife. Abigail determined to follow a short distance behind him. Assisted by townspeople, she was drawn a map and given contacts along the way. Never having traveled 20 miles alone, Abigail, barely recovered from smallpox, set out on horseback to make the over 200-mile journey.

In the first week of June, Abigail arrived in Vermont and had a warrant sworn against Asa. Asa initially refused to yield to court demands to settle their property. When Abigail threatened to haul him to New Hampshire, where charges of incest would surely prevent his gaining any of their estate, he settled quickly and left for New York, taking their remaining eldest son. Abigail petitioned for, and was granted, a divorce in 1792, after 25 years of marriage.

Because she did not have enough money to support them, Abigail Bailey had to find families with whom her children could live. She took lodging with Deacon Andrew Crook in Piermont, Vermont. In 1804, Abigail moved to Bath, New Hampshire, to live with the family of her son Asa. In 1815, on her way to a religious lecture, she caught cold, and several weeks later, she died of what was described as lung fever. She was 70 years old. Her memoirs, published that same year, are a rare account of sexual abuse from an era when women were under the dominance of husbands and fathers. Notes Claire Buck : "The Memoirs of Mrs Abigail Bailey constitutes one of the few explicit early American accounts of domestic violence recorded by a woman."