Paul, Pamela 1971(?)-

views updated

PAUL, Pamela 1971(?)-

PERSONAL: Born c. 1971; married, 1998 (divorced, 1999).

ADDRESSES: Agent—c/o Author Mail, Random House, 540 Broadway, New York, NY 10036. E-mail— [email protected].

CAREER: Journalist and author. American Demographics, former senior editor; also New York, NY, correspondent for the Economist.

AWARDS, HONORS: The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony was named one of the best books of the year, Washington Post, 2002.

WRITINGS:

The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony, Villard (New York, NY), 2000.

Also author of articles for various magazines, including More, Ladies' Home Journal, Health, Psychology Today, Self, Harper's Bazaar Australia, Elle, Redbook, Time, and Time Out New York.

SIDELIGHTS: For her first book, Pamela Paul decided to follow the old adage "write about what you know." Married at the age of twenty-seven in 1998, Paul got divorced shortly before her first wedding anniversary. Afterwards, when a woman at a party questioned her about her "starter marriage," Paul realized that perhaps she was part of a trend. The results of her investigation into that possibility led her to write The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony. As for the definition of "starter marriage," Paul explained to Bob Meadows in a People interview, "I'm talking about marriages that last five years or less and end before the children arrive. Who wants to think of their marriage as a starter marriage? The term sounds frivolous, but everyone I interviewed took their marriage seriously."

Paul interviewed sixty people who had starter marriages, the majority of them white, middle-class, and well educated. She also focused on couples from the media-dubbed Generation X, that is, people born between 1965 and 1978. In the book, Paul cites scientific polls and statistics, such as one by the U.S. Census Bureau revealing that more than three million people from the ages of 18 to 29 were divorced in 1998. In comparison, only 253,000 people from 25 to 29 years old got divorced in 1962. As Paul delves into the reasons why these people were so eager to get married yet were so soon divorced, she examines many aspects of society that influence marriage, the cultural concept of marriage that exists today, and the reasons why these people were divorced so soon.

According to Paul, much of the reason for the preponderance of failed marriages among Generation Xers lies in popular culture, which promotes the idea and joys of a lavish wedding and—through shows like Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?—bolsters the idea that a knight in shining armor is out there waiting. She also discusses the two common paths that starter marriages take. Most commonly, people rush into a relationship and marriage impulsively, resulting in a quick divorce. The other path is slower but still careless. These marriages result from a long-term relationship between young sweethearts who probably have lived together and marry because it seems the logical next step and not necessarily because they have thought about it clearly. Paul also notes that many of these failed marriages involve people whose parents were also divorced.

"Paul is less trenchant as a social critic . . . than as a starter marriage survivor whose observations evoke a winning combination of laugh, wince, and nod," wrote Allison Pugh in the New York Times Book Review. Naomi Schaefer, writing in the National Review, called the book "an interesting sociological study." Noting that the subject of starter marriages "does not lend itself to firm conclusions," Economist contributor Fiammetta Rocco commended Paul for "her refusal to be pigeonholed into any simple political agenda. Her book will be a lesson to those contemplating marriage and a comfort to those who falter."

As a result of her research for the book, Paul has some advice for how people can steer clear of the starter-marriage trap. As she told Meadows in People, "Forget the white-tulle vision—the dress, the flowers, the reception—and ask yourself a lot of hard questions beforehand." Noting that marriage is not a ticket to a perfect life, Paul went on to comment, "The reality is not only do you have the same ups and downs you had before you got married, but you also have to deal with the ups and downs of another person."