KINGMA, Daphne Rose 1942-

PERSONAL: Born January 14, 1942, in Philadelphia, PA; daughter of Jan Willem (a professor of English literature) and Gezina (a professor of art; maiden name, Stuart) Kingma; married James D. Den Boer June 6, 1961 (divorced September, 1968); children: Megali. Education: Calvin College, Grand Rapids, MI, B.A., 1963; University of California—Santa Barbara, M.A., 1971. Hobbies and other interests: Dancing, art.

ADDRESSES: Home—P.O. Box 5244 Santa Barbara, CA 93150-5244. Office—2604 Stout Street, Denver, CO 80205. Agent—Al Lowman, Authors and Artists, West 44th Street, New York, NY. E-mail—[email protected].

CAREER: Author, psychotherapist, television talk show guest, public speaker, and workshop leader. Frequent guest on Oprah and other television interview shows as an expert on relationships.

WRITINGS:

The Men We Never Knew: Women's Role in the Evolution of a Gender, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1993.

The Breakup Bible: Why Relationships End and Living through the Ending of Yours (sound recording), Sounds True (Boulder, CO), 1995, published as Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live through the Ending of Yours, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1998.

Weddings from the Heart: Contemporary and Traditional Ceremonies for an Unforgettable Wedding, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1995.

Heart and Soul: Living the Joy, Truth, and Beauty of Your Intimate Relationship, MJF Books, (New York, NY), 1995.

Garland of Love: Daily Reflections on the Magic and Meaning of Love, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1995.

To Have and to Hold: A Wedding Keepsake, Conari Press (Berkley, CA), 1997.

The Future of Love: The Power of the Soul in Intimate Relationships, Doubleday (New York, NY), 1998.

A Lifetime of Love: How to Bring More Depth, Meaning and Intimacy into Your Relationship, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1998.

The Nine Types of Lovers: Why We Love the People We Do and How They Drive Us Crazy, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1999.

The Book of Love, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 2001.

Finding True Love: The Four Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 2001.

365 Days of Love, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 2002.

(With M. J. Ryan) Attitudes of Gratitude in Love: Creating More Joy in Your Relationship, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 2002.

True Love: How to Make Your Relationships Sweeter, Deeper and More Passionate, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA) 2003.

OTHER

(Author of introduction) Dawna Markova, Random Acts of Kindness, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1993.

(Author of introduction) Alicia Alvrez, On the Wings of Eros: Nightly Readings for Passion and Romance, Conari Press (Berkeley, CA), 1995.

The Many Faces of Love: Exploring New Forms of Intimacy (sound recording), Sounds True (Boulder, CO), 2002.

WORK IN PROGRESS: A novel that will be a love story.

SIDELIGHTS: Daphne Kingma is a psychotherapist and writer who has published more than fifteen successful books on relationships. As she told CA, "I have written on the subject of love and relationships for many years because of my two and a half decades of work as a psychotherapist." In The Book of Love, Kingma offers advice on listening for the message under the words, walking a mile in your sweetheart's shoes, kindling the romance, tying up emotional loose ends, sharing your dreams, and holding each other in the light. Kingma has edited The Book of Love as a distillation of the best advice from two of her most successful books. It contains brief essays that explore the emotional and spiritual components of loving relationships. "With a distinctive style that is both lyrical and practical," wrote a reviewer for Publishers Weekly, "Kingma reminds readers of the importance of loving consciously (e.g. 'ask for what you need,' 'share your transcendent moments.'"

Kingma's message is one of acceptance of life as a precious gift to be cherished. This is what inspired her to begin writing. She told CA she began writing as an "expression of what I see and feel. The magic and tragic dimensions of life. Beauty and sorrow. When I was a child I had feelings that were 'inexpressible.'"

In The Future of Love: The Power of the Soul in Intimate Relationships, Kingma suggest turning away from issues of the personality to those of the soul in loving relationships. A Publishers Weekly contributor noted, "As she wisely makes clear, these soulful attributes can be present, or not, in myriad forms of relationship." In The Nine Types of Lovers, Kingma explores a set of nine personality traits derived from her twenty-five years of relationship counseling. In the author's analysis, successfully choosing a mate involves delving beneath the surface levels of compatibility and physical attraction. Kingma gives lovers a better understanding of the differences between them and their mates.

According to Kingma, not all relationships are good and some should simply end. In Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live through the Ending of Yours, Kingma offers a process and a way of examining relationships that is not only healing and helpful through the breakup process, but also provides a basis for using the breakup of a relationship to become a stronger person, one more able to love again.

BIOGRAPHICAL AND CRITICAL SOURCES:

PERIODICALS

Publishers Weekly, May 10, 1993, review of The Men We Never Knew: Women's Role in the Evolution of a Gender, p. 67; January 19, 1998, review of The Future of Love: The Power of the Soul in Intimate Relationships, p. 363; June 28, 1999, review of How Deep Is Your Love, p.70; February 5, 2001, review of Finding True Love: The Four Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life, p. 83.*