Linda Phillips Palo

Letter left at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, July 20, 1985

Published in Shrapnel in the Heart, edited by Laura Palmer, 1987

"I learned that the pain and loss never goes away. It just changes."

When American Vietnam veterans returned home to the United States, many of them felt ignored and rejected by their country. The Vietnam War had caused so much pain and unhappiness that most Americans seemed to want to forget that the conflict had ever taken place. As a result, neither the nation's surviving veterans nor those soldiers who were killed in Vietnam received any meaningful recognition outside of their small circle of family and friends. In 1982, however, their sacrifices and service were finally recognized by their nation with the formal dedication of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C.

The idea for the memorial originated with Jan Scruggs, a Vietnam combat veteran. In 1979 he founded the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund to raise money for the construction of a monument honoring the men and women who gave their lives in the war. As Scruggs began his fund-raising efforts, he emphasized that he had no wish to make any political statements about American involvement in the war. He simply wanted a memorial that would pay tribute to the 58,000 Americans who were killed in Vietnam.

"There was a great deal of difficulty in getting this project off the ground," admitted Scruggs in Writings on the Wall. "Most Vietnam veterans were primarily concerned with jobs, Agent Orange [a chemical used in wartime that was widely blamed for veterans' postwar health problems], and other issues relating to themselves." Gradually, however, the fundraising efforts of Scruggs and his supporters began to pay off. They eventually gathered more than $8 million from more than 650,000 private contributors. These donors included both people who had supported American involvement in Vietnam and activists who had protested against the war. The federal government did not contribute any money to the memorial fund. But Congress did agree to set aside a two-acre section of land for the memorial in Washington, D.C.'s Constitutional Gardens, between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial.

In August 1980 Scruggs's organization announced a nationwide competition to come up with a suitable design for the memorial. The design competition attracted more than 1,400 entries. These submissions were reviewed by a distinguished panel of sculptors and architects. On May 1, 1981, the panel of judges announced that the winning memorial design had been submitted by Maya Lin, a twenty-one-year-old Chinese American art student at Yale University. Her design called for a long, V-shaped wall of polished black granite which would be engraved with the names of American soldiers killed or missing-in-action in Vietnam.

The selection of Lin's entry triggered a tremendous uproar of controversy. Her design was much different from the traditional statue memorials of earlier wars, and some people hated it. Critics—including some Vietnam veterans—said the design was grim and depressing and did not honor America's fallen Vietnam War soldiers. One Vietnam veteran described Lin's design as a "black gash of shame," and the Marine Corps League charged that it was "an insult to the memory of those it is intended to memorialize." As the debate continued, many critics voiced genuine concerns about the proposed memorial. But some opponents resorted to racist remarks about Lin's Asian heritage in an effort to erode support for her design.

The controversy bothered Lin. She defended her submission by stating that "I felt a memorial should be honest about the reality of war and be for the people who gave their lives." The commotion also deeply upset Scruggs and other people who believed that Lin's design offered a powerful tribute to the Americans who lost their lives in Vietnam. In fact, many Americans—including the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) and other veterans' groups—rallied to support Lin's design. But opponents continued to fight it, and conservative lawmakers successfully blocked its construction.

Work on the memorial began only after the two sides agreed on a compromise. Under the terms of this agreement, a statue of three young American soldiers and an American flag would be added to the two-acre plot near Lin's memorial. Lin objected to the installation of the statue, which was designed by sculptor Frederick Hart. She thought that her memorial design and the proposed statue were of such different styles that they would not look good together. But the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund members convinced her that her memorial might never be built without the inclusion of the statue.

Dedication of the Wall

The Vietnam Veterans Memorial, popularly known as the Wall, was formally dedicated on Veterans' Day weekend in November 1982. Thousands of Vietnam veterans traveled to the nation's capital for the ceremony. They were joined by family members, as well as the friends and families of soldiers who had been lost in the war. As the dedication ceremony unfolded, thousands of Americans received their first opportunity to see the Wall for themselves.

The memorial designed by Lin featured two tall walls set in the ground, each nearly 250 feet long, that meet at a V-shaped angle. Constructed of polished black granite, the Wall had a mirror-like surface that reflected both the sky and the faces of those who stood before it. Visitors to the Wall also saw that the names of all 58,000 American soldiers who had been lost in Vietnam were engraved on the wall's surface in the order in which they died (names are periodically added to the wall as casualty records are updated and corrected). As the weekend progressed and the people roamed up and down the Wall's length, it became clear that most visitors approved of the design.

In the weeks and months following the dedication of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, the controversy over Lin's design faded away. It was replaced by a widespread recognition that the Wall was in fact a powerful tribute to those who died while serving their country. "The anguish of the Vietnam War is present here but not in a way that does any dishonor to veterans," wrote Paul Goldberger in the New York Times. "This memorial . . . honors the veterans who served in Vietnam with more poignancy [emotional power], surely, than any ordinary monument ever could."

Indeed, the Wall became known as a place where those who had lost friends and loved ones could go to grieve and remember in a special way. Many visitors commented that the wall's design gave them a feeling of intimacy with loved ones who were killed or had disappeared in Vietnam. They liked being able to touch or trace the names of their lost sons, brothers, fathers, husbands, and comrades. They also treasured the opportunity to leave offerings—photographs, letters, flowers, childhood keepsakes, and other items—at the Wall in memory of friends and family.

Soon after its unveiling, the Vietnam Veterans Memo rial became one of the nation's most beloved and revered mon uments. "From the moment of its dedication, the wall . . . seemed to give physical form to a whole nation's feelings of pain and loss," explained Arnold Isaacs in Vietnam Shadows. "The controversy over the design . . . quickly faded from view, to be replaced by images of veterans, children, parents, and other visitors shedding healing tears and finding solace in the sight and touch of the names. The wall quickly became one of the most-visited of all Washington's attractions, and certainly the most emotionally compelling. Some veterans still wouldn't go, but others found themselves returning again and again. 'It is exactly the right memorial,' said a retired three-star general, 'for that war.'"

The story of one letter left at the Wall

One of the many letters that has been left at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial over the years was written by Linda Phillips Palo, a woman who lost three of her best friends in the war. She grew up in Orchard Park, New York, with Bill Mason, Douglas Henning, and Gary Townsend. "We were children without turmoil," recalled Linda Phillips Palo in Laura Palmer's book Shrapnel in the Heart. "It was this idyllic little town, picture perfect."

As they grew older, Linda and her friends often talked about their futures. Doug and Bill, for example, dreamed of relocating to the Colorado Rockies and opening an outdoors camp for city kids. But as American involvement in Vietnam deepened, growing numbers of Orchard Park's young men joined the military. "It became a ritual," wrote Palmer. "Before someone went off to war, the gang from Orchard Park High School would gather at the local pizza place to talk, drink beer, and try to be supportive. In Linda's church, departing soldiers were called to the altar and given a Bible to take with them to Vietnam."

As the war progressed, Doug, Bill, and Gary all voluntarily joined the U.S. armed forces and were sent to Vietnam. Bill became a medic. But four months after his arrival in Vietnam, his mother had a terrible nightmare that he was in a fire and was calling to her. As it turned out, her son had died that same night. Bill had run into a burning tank to rescue a fellow soldier during a fight with enemy troops. But before he could drag the injured man to safety, the tank was hit by a rocket and both men died in the flames. Four months later, Doug was killed in a firefight while on patrol. A short while later, Gary died in a fierce battle against Communist forces. All three men received the Silver Star for heroism.

Back home, the deaths of her three friends con tributed greatly to Linda's strong opposition to the war. She eventually became an active member of the antiwar move ment. She also continued her education, earning a master's degree in American studies. Linda then became a movie casting director in Hollywood. But although the years passed by quickly, she never forgot her friends who had died in Vietnam.

In 1985 the Orchard Park High School graduating class of 1965—of which Linda, Doug, Bill, and Gary had all been a part—held a twentieth anniversary reunion. But before going to the reunion, Palo made a special trip to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, which had been dedicated three years earlier. Once she arrived at the Wall, the emotional impact of its black granite surface and engraved names became overwhelming. "I put my hand up there and the wall felt cold, so I put my face up against it and these incredible sobs started," she recalled. "Once that happened, and I could lay my face against the wall and sob, it gave me my freedom. . . . It was like saying good-bye to someone you love. . . .You hate to let go. But I felt like I had closed one door—not to forget them, but the door of rage and anger was finally closed."

Things to remember while reading Linda Phillips Palo's letter . . .

• As the war progressed, growing U.S. casualties dramatically reduced public support for the conflict. The deaths of neighborhood boys, nephews, sons, and old boyfriends had a great personal impact on countless American families and communities. Grief and mourning over these losses eventually led many Americans to adopt a negative and skeptical view of the war. In fact, the antiwar movement in the United States included many people who had lost close friends or family members in Vietnam.
• Voluntary enlistment in the U.S. armed services was much more common in the early stages of the Vietnam War, when American patriotism and confidence was at its peak. When the conflict turned into a bloody stalemate (stand-still), however, the U.S. military was forced to rely more heavily on the draft to recruit new soldiers.

Letter by Linda Phillips Palo, left at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial:

July 20, 1985

Dear Gary, Doug and Billy,

Well, that time has rolled around and the Class of '65 is having its 20th year reunion. Cheers, cheers for Old Orchard Park High School.

Don't be afraid that you will not be remembered. We all talked about you in 1975 and our thoughts are with you. I think of you all—often.

Doug—they moved your house off the boulevard onto a new street. Your death was a real shock, especially since you were so adamant about hating guns.

Billy—I'm sorry that we never lived out the fantasy of running into each other in a supermarket with batches of children.

And yes, Gary, I still talk too much.

I had to come. I live in Los Angeles now and I could not have gone to that reunion without first coming here.

After you all died, I guess two boyfriends and several friends gone was a bit too much for me and I pretty much screwed up for ten years. Two boyfriends is just too much, too much, too much.

Now I'm much better. More responsible. I learned that the pain and loss never goes away. It just changes. Sometimes I think it is more painful now. And I'm still mad.

All three of you hold a special place in my heart. I'm just sorry you had such little time to spend here.

Years later
I can never hear
the sound of a helicopter
Without remembering
What I have lost.
In leaving today
tears stain
the window of the airplane
on the runway.
It has not rained
in L.A. for months
It rains today.

I have had
twenty years
now
to reflect on this
madness
And it is always the same.

—Linda Phillips Palo

Thinking of you,
Linda

What happened next . . .

Today, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial remains one of America's most beautiful and emotionally powerful monuments. It is also the most visited site in Washington, D.C., with an estimated 2.5 million visitors each year. And the memorial continues to be updated as U.S. casualty lists from the war are corrected. (As of Memorial Day 1997, the Wall contained the names of 58,209 Americans who served in Vietnam.)

Visitors who go to the Wall also continue to leave photographs, letters, and other offerings in memory of the men and women who gave their lives in service to their country in Vietnam. Officials of the National Park Service, which maintains the memorial, collect and catalog these items at a climate-controlled warehouse in Maryland. "The collection [of items] is now a memorial in itself," wrote Michael Norman in The Wall: Images and Offerings from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, "a remembrance of sacrifice apart from the lodestone [something that strongly attracts] of black polished granite on a quiet capital green."

Did you know . . .

• Since the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated, designer Maya Lin has become a widely respected sculptor and architect. She has exhibited many sculptures in museums and galleries. She has also produced several other well-known public monuments, including the Civil Rights Memorial (1989) in Montgomery, Alabama. In 1995 Freida Lee Mock's film on Lin's life and career, called Maya Lin: A Strong Clear Vision, won an Academy Award as best documentary of the year.

• The two angled walls of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial meet together so that they point exactly to the northeast corners of the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial.
• In 1993 another statue was added to the area around the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. This statue, by sculptor Glenna Goodacre, honors the thousands of American nurses who served in Vietnam.
• The Wall has become a very important symbol to Vietnam veterans over the years. They see the memorial not only as a tribute to fellow soldiers who were killed in the war, but as a sign that their nation finally recognized that American soldiers deserved respect and appreciation for serving their country in Vietnam. The Wall is so highly valued by Vietnam veterans that they maintain a constant vigil at the site.
• In 1984 a mobile half-sized replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was constructed and unveiled to the public. This model, known as The Wall That Heals, has been presented in cities and towns all across America ever since. It is a very popular attraction, especially for people who do not have the financial resources or the physical health to travel all the way to Washington, D.C., to see the original memorial.

Sources

Hass, Kristin Ann. Carried to the Wall: American Memory and the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1998.

Isaacs, Arnold R. Vietnam Shadows: The War, Its Ghosts, and Its Legacy. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1997.

Katakis, Michael. The Vietnam Veterans Memorial. New York: Crown, 1988.

Palmer, Laura. Shrapnel in the Heart: Letters and Remembrances from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. New York: Random House, 1987.

Scruggs, Jan C., and Joel L. Swerdlow. To Heal a Nation: The Vietnam Veterans Memorial. New York: Harper and Row, 1985.

Severo, Richard, and Lewis Milford. The Wages of War: When America's Soldiers Came Home—From Valley Forge to Vietnam. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989.

The Wall: Images and Offerings from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. New York: Collins Publishers, 1987.

A Mother Mourns the Loss of Her Son

Countless parents of men who were killed in Vietnam have visited the Vietnam Veterans Memorial since its dedication in 1982. Many of them return to the Wall again and again to mourn their lost sons, leaving letters or momentos from the past such as childhood toys or photographs. The following letter left at the Wall, from one grief-stricken mother to her long-dead son, was published in The Wall: Images and Offerings from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial:

Dear Bill,

Today, I come to this memorial, this black wall. I come to put flowers and a letter, not because it's a special day, like your birthday or Memorial Day. But just because it's Tuesday, and just because I love and miss you so and want the whole world to know.

The other day I saw a picture of Elvis Presley on a poster in a music store window. Under his picture it read, "Remember I lived, forget I died." I stood looking at this for a long time, wondering how you could possibly forget that someone you loved so much had died.

Yes, I remember that you lived. I remember our laughter together and our tears when your rabbits died and especially when your grandparents died. I remember when you would get mad at me because you had to do the dishes or carry out the trash or be in bed a certain time on school nights.

But I can't forget that you died. I will never forget the day I heard of your death. I will never forget the long days of waiting for your body to be returned from Vietnam. I will never forget the millions of tears I have shed. And I can't forget the terrible hurt because you are not with me and never will be again.

I have cried many, many tears since you left us because I saw no reason for you to die then and I see no reason now.

But this I do know, you are happier with God in heaven than you could ever be on earth. So forgive me, my son, my Billy, when I cry because most of my tears are for me, I guess, because you are not with me and I miss you so.

Mom

The Mayaguez Incident

Even after the Vietnam War ended, U.S. forces continued to clash with Communist forces on the high seas. The best-known postwar incident took place on May 12, 1975, when Communist troops from Cambodia seized the American commercial ship the Mayaguez, while it was cruising in the Gulf of Thailand, near the Cambodian coast. The Cambodian soldiers took the ship's 30-man crew hostage and transported them off the vessel.

This incident took place only a few weeks after the governments of both Cambodia and South Vietnam had been taken over by Communist forces. Mindful of this fact, U.S. President Gerald R. Ford and members of his administration believed that America needed to prove that it remained a strong nation willing to use force when necessary. Acting on intelligence reports that stated that the hostages were probably being held on the Cambodian island of Koh Tang, Ford approved a military rescue of the hostages.

On May 15, 1975, air force helicopters landed a party of U.S. Marines on Koh Tang. They were supported by an arsenal of U.S. ships and aircraft but encountered fierce resistance from Cambodian troops stationed on the island. Eighteen U.S. soldiers were killed in the ensuing battle, and another fifty were wounded. No crew members were found in the assault. Around this same time, however, the U.S. Navy regained possession of the Mayaguez, which had been abandoned by the Cambodians.

Later in the day, the mystery of the whereabouts of the Mayaguez crew ended when the U.S. destroyer Wilson spotted the men adrift at sea in an old fishing boat. The crew members had been put in the boat by their Cambodian captors, who wanted to end the clash. The Wilson rescued the men and delivered them to safety. With the crew accounted for, Ford then ordered air strikes against military targets on the Cambodian mainland. Some members of Congress and the American press criticized Ford for the bloody rescue effort and the bombing runs. They argued that the administration used the Mayaguez incident to deflect attention from the recent loss of Vietnam to the Communists. But many others defended Ford. They charged that the president's use of force was an appropriate response to the taking of American hostages.